New Direction

So I'm stepping outside the boat by starting a ministry.  It will be in honor of Yeshua and will minister to all including the GLBTQI community.  I've been wanting to do this for awhile but have held back due to lack of knowledge and quite frankly because I was scared.

Enough of that.  Life is honestly way too short.  I have to move now and not later. So one of my first steps will be to start a NEW blog dedicated only to my new ministry.  I want this ministry to honor Yeshua and Yeshua alone and I want to be guided only by Him.

This post will be short as I have much to do to start this new blog, including posting my first post.  This does not mean I will not be posting here again.  Actually I want to keep this post for my personal life seeing as how I have posts going back several years.

If you want to know more about my new ministry please let me know in the comments.  Also give this a like if you want.

Much love to you all who take the time to read my posts. You are the best!

Kenny

Post Before Sleep

Silence is fluid
Filling every empty space
With light and joy
Or darkness when hope has
Been released per pity
Thunder echoes lightning flashes 
Seconds stretch into tears 
As the young become old

2016

Just like the title says it's 2016. 

It was a few days ago when I realized that I had yet again been neglecting my blog.  So here I am trying to play catch up again.

I'm actually pretty tired so I'm going to end this now.

Yeah, I know. Sorry.

Catch up soon though.......I hope.

TTYL

Pug <--------my self proclaimed nickname that has never fully caught on. 

Catching up

It's been awhile since I've blogged and since I'm here I might as well catch up on where I've been lately.

Since this is now August I am officially 49 years old since July 19th. Whew.  Just one year to enjoy my 40's and then I'm into my 50's. Trippy.

I'm still living at Jesus People though I have been transitioning for a couple months now. Shoot, small break while I call my mom.

No answer from my mom, went straight to vm so she's probably taking a nap or sleeping since she works a graveyard shift.

I just got a job at a call center taking calls for golf courses all over the county.  I start training tomorrow.  Pretty stoked since I've been looking for a job for over two months now.  Pretty soon I can hopefully get my own place or even find someone who needs a roommate in this area.  That might be cool too.

Also I've been scoring some music lately.  So far I have a flute solo, flute and oboe duet, flute and clarinet duet, and a small five piece chamber orchestra piece which consists of piano, violin, flute, clarinet and cello.

Right now I'm attempting to write a Christmas piece and score the song I wrote for my sister Melissa when I was a teenager.

I have been trying to write a book since I believe March of this year. I think I have something like 22 pagers or the like. It's been really slow going, especially when it comes to subjects that are very sensitive.

Still trying to get a divorce, but not any closer than before which is both frustrating and not so much.

The only reason I want this divorce is so that I can permanently close that "chapter" of my life and hopefully never remember it again. People may say that this "experience" will help me grow but I say my life is chock full of things that help me grow so I really don't need to keep remembering this particularly extremely painful time in my life to grow.  At least I think I've done all the growing I was supposed to from this time in my life.

I feel like doing some scoring now so I'm going to wrap this up.

Thanks for taking the time to read this.

New Tired Life

A spur-of-the-moment-poem
Tired, worn out, scared
A new chapter for life, was the previous one death?
Adventure, zest, challenges galore
No. Stay in the rut, it's easier, it's the same.
Live for God, live for yourself, live for others
Does anyone honestly care beyond a few scattered mutters?
Take a step, dance a jig, sing a new song
fall down without knowing if you will be able to stand once again.
He's got friends, he's got support they all think
without knowing he's alone, only words on a screen to comfort and care.
So?
The ball is rolling, I will not look back.
Time to move on, for better or worse, those words are haunting
No longer young, not old enough to die, just here
Good times may soon be here, new friends, new love, new lease on life.

new song lyrics?

I was Too Weak by Kenneth Maese

I'm sorry that I let you down 

I'm sorry that I didn't think 

I'm never sure how I really sound 

I'm not sure if I'm broke or it's just a kink 

in my soul 

in my mind 

in my heart 

in my life......... 

I was too weak

to know how to stand on my own 

I was too weak  

to take control of my own life 

I let it beat me down 

The choices that I made 

were all I knew 

though I tried to understand 

I was too weak 

Now life has begun to pass me by 

I think of where I've been 

all those years that have slipped away 

bridges burned no return 

it started when I lost my innocence  

my world, my life, my choice 

all alone in the dark of the night 

I try to cry though no tears form 

an empty echo within my barren chest 

I have a beautiful family 

my children run to me happily 

they cry daddy as they leap into my arms 

the love of my life is standing near 

just when I can't be any happier 

I wake to find I'm all alone 

it's just a dream 

it's just a dream 

it's just a dream 

I never want to wake from

unwritten blogs

As you may have noticed, I don't blog nearly half as much as I say I will.  I have always wondered why that is.  I think I may have the answer though.

Maybe not.

As I was going to type my thoughts my mind was instantly flooded with voices of people saying things like "You're over thinking"  and "It's all in your head"  and similar things.

I just started this post but already I'm discouraged and will be stopping due to multiple error messages that keep popping up.

Sigh.

Until next time.